Thursday, 9 May 2019

Thursday at Mystica - art and sadness

This morning I woke up with sadness. One of my favorite writers, Jonathan Safran Foer, in one of his novels, calls this state of mind 'heavy boots'. 

My morning solution for heaviness of heart is to jump in the pool.

The weather is cooling down, fans are off, the pool is cold. Nevertheless, I like to jump in in the morning to help wake me up. (I am not a morning person). Nothing like cold water to make you feel alive and ready for the day.

We had a morning pottery class, with a really nice group of people. I floated around, feeling heavy, which sounds like a contradiction, but that's how it feels. 

In the afternoon I went to meet an old friend, who is especially good for lifting the spirit. I love this friend because she always makes me laugh, even if the conversation is laden with comparing frustrating obstacles. We laugh at ourselves, at our successes and failures, at our sadness and joy. 

When I paint, I listen to music. Depending on my state of mind, I choose the music. Sometimes its Ben Howard.....a beautiful sadness. Yes, sadness can be beautiful. Radiohead is one of my favorite bands for painting. It's powerful and deep. 

I want to work on my unfinished painting... but cannot get started. Self-doubt keeps creeping in. I like this painting so far and am so afraid I will mess it up. I tried to express river stones, like the ones we had while living by the river in Africa. It was a dark river, surrounded by wild vegetation and many tall trees. If you stand in the river and place your hand just under the surface, it disappears into the darkness. In the shallows, you can see the river stones, brown, green, beige, the color of autumn leaves. I painted a wash of color and then started on the stones. I need to continue with the stones and then try to capture the reflection of the water. Here is a picture of the stones so far.


Maybe I will feel better tomorrow. More capable. For now, I feel like this painting of an abandoned room:


Just floating in space.

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